The Brandy Alexander

Don’t you see? Because we’re so trained to do life the right way. To not make mistakes. I figure the bigger the mistake looks, the better the chance I’ll have […]

This Pueblo Life

Author Carolyn See says, “write what you know.” I don’t know much, but I have been living in Ecuador for the greater part of the past year. That’s sounds exotic, […]

Last Night

Intimate relationships become more crucial to survival in a society in which religion wanes in meaning. Relationships become the new refuge, the new higher power. The collective has yielded to […]

So This Is Love

I want to marry a Victoria’s Secret model, but a virgin, to stay at home, cook for me, and have my kids. – Anonymous A few nights ago, after I had missed a deliciously […]

Closer = Farther

From CLOSER by Patrick Marber ANNA How did you get so brutal? ALICE I lived a little. ANNA You’re primitive. ALICE Yeah, I am. How’s Dan? ANNA Fine. ALICE Did […]

Kermit the Frog is a terrible boyfriend

Piggy had to canvas relentlessly to get herself a good part on that show, while Kermit was always the star. Because she loved him, Piggy would always take whatever he […]

“Je baise, donc je suis”

Take lukewarm water and massage the penis with it until it turns red and becomes erect. Then take a piece of thin parchment and put hot tar on it and […]

Wanderer

No pieceof landcan Imakemy home For eachnewclimateI meetI pineasonce beforealready I had beenaddicted And I always leavea stranger Being bornchanged by ages toolived To enjoy just oneinitialinstant of life I […]

Gray Matter

How should a person be?.. You can admire anyone for being themselves. It’s hard not to, when everyone’s so good at it. But when you think of them all together […]

Popping Pills – Part I.

Men are most attracted to the pheromones of women dropping eggs like it’s Waffle House on a Sunday… The pill was created, first and foremost, for equality. The idea was […]

Not the buttons! Not my gumdrop buttons!

Fairy tales are for children. Very often they’re about a little girl who doesn’t want to grow up to be a woman. At the crisis of that threshold crossing she’s […]

Alfajoring around

Quito was always more rock n’ roll, where Guayaquil is like… David Guetta. And so it was that I finally landed in Guayaquil. Guayaquil is erm… the main port city. […]

Puddle here, puddle there

Yesterday I went to Manhattan Saddlery to find a light pair of riding breeches. The man working there was seemingly incongruous with the refined apparel on display. His gelled hair, […]

Cock-tailings

Cock-tail is a stimulating liquor, composed of spirits of any kind, sugar, water, and bitters—it is vulgarly called bittered sling, and is supposed to be an excellent electioneering potion, inasmuch as it […]

Apples & Peaches Do Not A Cobbler Make

Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that’s no matter—tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out […]

House of Cards

The benefits of a philosophy of neo-religious pessimism are nowhere more apparent than in relation to marriage, one of modern society’s most grief-stricken arrangements, which has been rendered unnecessarily hellish […]